The Ultimate Christmas Wishlist.

Monday, December 11, 2017
Christmas is coming really fast! So is the Christmas madness of getting decorations and gifts for our closest ones. I prepared for you two wishlist today - first one - a little bit more affordable and the second one - where I let my imagination lose, a totally crazy, the ultimate wishlist.
Even if you can't buy any of these items (well, I can't haha), I hope they will inspire you to find some amazing alternatives!
I am not a typical girl - all I love is tech, fantasy and superheroes. So if you know someone like me - maybe there's something for you in here?
 1. Star Wars: Battlefront 2. When the first part came out I was so upset that there's no single player campaign! But guess what - NOW THERE IS. And the actual story is so great! The game is still pretty new though, that's why the price is slightly shocking (you wanted a Play Station, girl, you did).
2. FoolProof Brow Powder by Benefit. The medium shade is just a perfect colour. Also I've heard so many amazing things about the product - I'm all hyped. You change your mind when you have your brows done at least once, haha.
3. POP Vinyl figures - a new Jon Snow and Triss Merigold (The Witcher) are very missed in my collection. People divide for the ones who loves these little cuties and the ones who absolutely hate them. Guess which one am I?
4. "Claws and fangs" by Andrzej Sapkowski - I'm pretty sure it says nothing to you. It's just another part of The Witcher series (you know the games, right? They're based on some old books :D) and I'm so impatient to read more about my fav characters and the newest book would be a perfect gift.
5. A cardigan. There's no such thing like "too much cardigans". And this year H&M has a pretty nice selection of them.
6. Some sturdy boots. You can always use such boots. These one I also found in H&M.
7. Dolce & Gabbana - The One. If Emilia Clarke smells like this, I demand cuddles from her every day. What's even better - the male fragrance is represented by Kit Harington himself. So this is basically a Game Of Throne's scent to me.

Okay, now here comes the hyper expensive, the ultimate wishlist. I should probably call it - "What I'd buy if I had a million dolars."

8. iPhone X. It's pretty self explanatory. I played with this phone today a little and the display, processor, colours - a piece of art.
9 &10. Fjällräven Kånken. Mary, but you have one. Indeed, that's why it's not on my real wishlist. I have a laptop version and it's not as... floppy as I'd like a backpack to be. That's why I'd get another one if I was rich. BUT - the laptop version is amazing and you can put so much stuff in there. Highly reccomend.
11&12. Casetify Apple Watch Bands. These two are just examples, but I absolutely adore those saffiano leather watch bands.
13. Classic Doc Martens. My biggest fashion dream. Just because.
14. Nintendo Switch. I've had one portable console in my life - PS Vita. After few months I decided it's useless and I don't want to look at portable consoles again. Yeah, and then Switch appeared. And you know,  I played Legends of Zelda at the gaming convention I was with Edyta back in October. And I fell in love.

So, here are my two wishlists, perfect for a geeky soul like me. You have some other ideas? I'd be even more than glad to hear them!

Winter IS coming.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

It is not only Game of Thrones' most popular quote. It's a fact. I'm always very excited when December begins. Cold mornings and early sunsets inspire me infinitely.
This week I leave you with few shots I took recently. Did you know I'm doing vlogmas again this year? Come and check it out on my channel!
Have a great weekend, my friends. <3

November in pictures.

Friday, December 1, 2017

So we have December now. My second favourite month of the year. Vlogmas starts on my youtube channel, and here are my snapshots of November. A lot of coffee this month. As it's my second month at my new job and I'm trying to do my best. 
Go and check out other wonderful blogs, taking part in linky project by my lovely Caitylis.

Running away.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

What do they think? Are they talking about me? Do they like me? Is there anything I’m doing wrong? Are they happy with me? Are they really nice or they’re just acting? Are they angry with me? What do they talk when I’m not there? Do they think that I’m rude? Am I not awkward? Or am I?
I hear these questions all the time. ALL the time. My head is noisy, crowdy and I really didn’t want to write about this mess again.

I started to have tics. Now I’m not only scratching myself to blood, I tear my hair out, my heart is trying to escape from my chest almost a dozen times a day.
And don’t get me wrong - I know answers for all those questions at the beginning, it’s very simple: people just don’t care. They have other stuff to do.
But I can’t help it. That’s the problem.
I’d really want it to be as easy as „just stop thinking about it”. It makes me feel totally out of control.
And you know me - I love my control as much as I love my gluten and lactose and sugar.
I heard: „you don’t have problems so you make them up”.
It’s not the thing.
As one of my lovely readers noticed under my previous post - when your life goes well the sick part of you is even more visible. And that makes me crazy. It causes an error in my brain. And there’s basically no one to talk to, because I can’t answer the question „what’s wrong? What’s going on?”
When I can’t answer people get mad. And I don’t want to make anyone mad.
That’s why I stay silent...
But writing helps. That’s why I do this. That’s why you read it now.
I keep telling myself that I cannot run away. But I still do that. Remember my panic attack when was invited for a party? I ran away.
Christmas party at my job is just around the corner - I seriously consider running away and not telling anyone.
There are just fears we are fighting with our whole lives. And I’m not sure if we ever stop.
We all have some demons. Would we be complete without them?



Friday, November 24, 2017

Everything's fine.
I like my new job, I'm getting better and better.
My photograph will be featured in a magazine.
I decided to publish my poems.
Everything seems so fine.
Although it feels like I'm in the middle of the ocean. Suppressed and drowning, with my lungs full of salty water.
I watch the sunrise every day from a little bridge on my way to work. I watch the sunset, eight hours later, from the same bridge. That's how November is.
First snow, melting just before I can reach it with my fingers. Long list of tv shows waiting to catch up with. Grey's Anatomy theme playing in the background. Do you remember the times it had a theme?
And I'm just lying between my seven pillows, with a cold wind whistling through my window.
I breathe. I'm learning how to feel what's going on. I'm trying to get out of this ocean.
I'm still learning how to swim.

Weekends go by faster than I realize,
Colder than I expected and darker than the streets.
I listen to Holes by Layla on the train and Scars on Broadway on the bus. I play with my amethyst before I fall asleep to feel it's texture and it's edges.
I still scratch my old wounds, my arms, my legs, I keep scratching and scratching, I look like a little disaster.
Everything is so fine, so very fine for me.
And I haven't been so neurotic in ages.